What were they thinking

The all new triple plated titanium, ultra-durable, golden eternity razor is NOW AVAILABLE to the public!! This one time bargain is available to you exclusively through this offer!! Get your Golden Eternity razor NOW.

LIFETIME GUARANTEE

This razor will never expire! It'll never lose it's edge!!! And to prove it, we've shaved this concrete block and it's still as sharp now as it was before!!! With our exlusive lifetime guarantee, you will never need another razor again! If the Golden Eternity razor should ever dull, just send it back and we will replace it for free!! That's our guarantee!!

NEVER GOES DULL

The Golden Eternity razor will never go dull... This razor is guaranteed for life to never lose it's sharpness. If it doesn't shave as close as it did the day you bought it, send it back and we will replace it!!

YOU WILL NEVER NEED ANOTHER RAZOR AGAIN!!!

ACT NOW AND GET ANOTHER FREE!!

If you act within the next 15 seconds, we will not only give you the Never Dulling Knife collection (a two hundred dollar value) and the Eternity Blender (a fourty dollar value) but we will also include a second Golden Eternity razor for free!! That's a three hundred dollar value pack for only $19.95!!

That's right... Order now & recieve a second Golden Eternity razor absolutely free!!

:D That's the bulk of it anyways..... Get two of our "lifetime guaranteed razors" for one unbelivable price...... At two o'clock in the morning this might blow your mind... But if you were to see this commercial during the day, you might reply...

Why Do I Need Two If It Lasts A Lifetime?

And that's exactly what you should ask!! Do you plan on living two lifetimes so that you may enjoy this remarkably close shave?? Or is it more likely that a "lifetime" in the "eyes of an advertiser" is, in fact, much shorter than a "lifetime" through the "eyes of the consumer"?

I would venture out on a limb and come to the conclusion that... You will need two of these lifetime razors because the first will not last an actual lifetime!!

Don't want to believe me, but trust the advertiser? Go ahead and purchase your triple plated lifetime guaranteed razor, take it outdoors, shave your sidewalk, & tell me how it works!! Did you have to open up the second one already? So soon? Guess you shouldn't of shaved your sidewalk :P